Things Definitely Not To Say Or Go There When Interviewing (But Are What I Once Did)

Things Definitely Not To Say Or Go There When Interviewing 
(But Are What I Once Did)

      #1- Don't bite into political debating.

      #2- Don't even exhale one breath dedicated to religious discussion.

      #3- Don't go into an interview or even enter the building just after pulling out the used contents of a plug of chewing tobacco from your mouth cheeks, as I once did and was ushered immediately into the conference room before getting the chance to go to the bathroom to flush out the tobacco pieces adhered to my teeth. Remember, sometimes at some point you have to smile in interviewing and with pieces of tobacco leaf stuck to your teeth, it just doesn't leave the lasting impression one would want one to remember one by.

To follow-up on this thought, never send a job reply through the mail with needless detailed info written along the flap of the envelope, in which I once did that stated: “Note: Sealed with pure genuine Texan spit; no tobacco juice included.”

Hey, “Spit happens!”

    #4- Never put your hand near any one of your nasal cavities during an interview as that is a signal to the interviewer that they may have some obstacle appendaging from their nostrils. So they in turn rub their nostrils, in which you in turn pick up that perhaps you did indeed have something hanging out, so you do it again, which only signals back to the interviewer the same subliminal message. This continual back 'n' forth foray becomes so repetitive that by the time the interview is over you're both saying yore goodbyes with heads bowed and arms over nasals attempting to conceal any buggerage that was never there to begin with.

    #5- This one is the utmost in importance! Once when discussing the value of diversification in a company, I stated that on a personal level, "I have a saying that elevates the personification of diversity by paraphrasing an old saying, but shouldn't comment on it." Apparently that elevated the curiosity of the interviewer who urged me to go on and state it. "Oh, alright," I finally said, then blurted it out…"As far as diversity goes, I am a jack-off of all trades but masterbator of none." On top of that the interviewer was a female. Needless to say I never received a phone call, an e-mail or letter from the company ever again.
Refrain from these five misstep items and surely you increase your measure of success in interviewing. Oh, and uh, one other thing, don't ever wear orange pants to an interview. I did that once during the hippie days and my college years and actually got the job...but it was as a professional toilet cleaner.

I hope that there is some sound advice heretofore for all to advance in their hiring skills during these times of economic hardships, for sense of humor has to be a constant adage in no matter the situation.  

Glad to lend a helping hand…
And that is not in reference to #5,

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